Do I Still Have a Brain? (Part 1)

This could be a repetitive title…

Here is an actual conversation I had with my hairdresser. Feeling scattered in your own mind? Prepare to feel better about yourself.

I would guess my “stylist” is probably 26. I could be way off. But either way, she is much younger than me and she does not have children. Super down to earth and fun. In our non-stop chatting during my appointment, she was talking about her boyfriend and the whole “life-plan for the future” topics they’d been broaching. “How old were you when you had your first kid?” she asked me innocently.

I let out an involuntary sigh like I had just put down a 200 pound shoulder press weight stack.

“Uhhh, let’s see….. maybe 33 or 32? Or… well, he was born a year after we were married, and aahhhh…. Okay, well right now I am… I’m either 38 or 39. Let me think, I was born in 1975…” I paused and finally said, “I think I was in my early thirties.” I’m pretty sure she was relieved at that point because she had truly stopped caring and assumed that that was my final answer. Unfortunately I was just now getting totally invested into figuring this out.

“So, we moved to Salt Lake City in 2004…” (I can just hear inside her brain: “Aaawww lord. Help me. Help this poor sad woman and help me.”) “And then… if hubby and I broke up in 2006 but got engaged in 2007, we were married in 2008. So Little was born in 2009, so he’s five… Well,” I congratulated myself, “I actually knew that. Silly me! And then… 1975. So it’s 2014, so I’m going to be 39. And he is five… but his birthday is in April…” Man this is a toughie, I thought to myself.

As an aside, I just want to mention that I successfully (in a loose sense of the word) studied some significantly advanced calculus (and other types of mathematics, but I can’t remember what they were called)… fifteen years ago. I actually have a Bachelor’s Degree in Applied Mathematics as well as (expired) teaching certification for high school mathematics.

“Well, I’m 38 now then. So I guess I was 33?” She nodded. “Yay, I was right!!”

What the hell? Does this happen to you??? Because this is not a solitary story. Why so stupid? If I’m going to blame it on the little kids “mommy brain” thing, what magic age do they have to hit before I can expect a little clearing?

(Originally posted May, 2014)